Forgiveness may be defined as: forgetting what someone did to you, or saying it's okay what so-and-so did to me. You may have to re-establish full relationship with the very one who hurt you. As a result of doing so, you will expose yourself to possibly being abused more than before. That is why we don't feel safe with forgiveness, and rightly so, may I add. In my home situations as a child (and as an adult) forgiving wasn't properly modeled – it seemed that the person who did not do any forgiving was the one who won all the time. So I chose to stuff my woundedness with food, shopping, or getting out of the house to be able to cope with the abuse of unforgiveness. At times I just exploded with anger!

Webster's Dictionary defines “forgive” as follows: 1. to cease to feel resentment against (an offender); to pardon (one's enemies); 2a. to give up resentment of, or claim to requital for (an insult); 2b. to grant relief from payment of (a debt).

Most of my life I found myself apologizing to my family, saying, “I'm sorry. Please forgive me.” Sometimes I was the one who had been wrong, but often I was not! However, until I became a Spirit-filled, born-again Christian, I never really looked at why the words, “Forgive me” came out of my mouth so often. I wanted to be free of saying or doing things that were sinful and that kept me separated from God. And that would cause me to say, “Forgive me.” I’d pray, “Lord, help!” When I became a newly saved child of God, the Holy Spirit was gently helping me to see things that caused unforgiveness. And when I realized that God's Word said: “Before you come to Me in prayer for anything – go to that brother or sister that you have ought with and forgive them.” Also, I'd be reminded how Jesus would say: “Forgive seventy times seven.” I would paraphrase that and say: “Seventy times 70,000 times, Lord, I forgive with Your help and grace.”

I knew quite early in my Christian walk I was having a hard time obeying when it came to forgiveness. I had so much anger in me with hurts from loved ones for over fifty-some years of being rejected and abused. I was steeped in unforgiveness that I didn't even know I had. This was due to a “root” of bitterness so deep down in my soul that I could not see it. And with bitterness, there is always unforgiveness.

Note also that the religious or “works” ways I had at this time in my earlier walk with the Lord hid these deep rooted things of my childhood from me. Denial kept me saying, “I forgive, Lord. Please forgive me and cleanse me in the Blood of Jesus and restore me to righteousness.” God was faithful to do this. However, the deep root of unforgiveness was still there, and true repentance never came to me. My wrong thinking that I'd repented was a lie unknown to me. True repentance does not have a result of constantly recommitting the same sin. The curse thought patterns I had needed to be dealt with before I could truly repent and not live in unforgiveness, which was fuel for the fire of the anger and the hurt in me. It kept them alive due to the awful life of rejection I had lived and still lived at that time. Thank God for His Words that I heard over and over. I began to see how to cast down according to Luke 10:19 the anger, rejection, and other curse thought patterns.

As I was faithful to attend Bible teaching, “the rhema Word of God” began to get into me as I was faithful to get to my church. It is the Word of God that will set us free as we are faithful to assemble with the brethren (God's command to us) and hear His Word. Judging goes along with forgiving, even though the two are opposites. You may understand this when I say that when someone sins against us, we have a tendency to judge them. The forgiveness I needed to have, led me to judge the one I was forgiving. God’s Word tells us we are to judge our hearts. God says He alone judges. No man can judge another man. This cycle, if it is not made clear to us, will go on until we die. The worst thought we ever have to think about is that no one gets into Heaven with unforgiveness in his or her heart toward another – as I said earlier, God says, “Don't even come to me in prayer if you have unforgiveness toward anyone.” So, if we can't go to Him in prayer, we surely can't go to Him in Heaven, can we? You will suffer in your health if you keep unforgiveness in you. I know! I did suffer from cancer due to the bitterness in my heart toward someone. A month before I knew I had the cancer, I had a dream. The Lord told me I had to give up the unforgiveness – I remember answering, “I will, Lord!”

The next day and the day after that (up to thirty days later), I did nothing to try to get restored by the Lord. Then the report of cancer came! Massive uterine cancer of a serious code type was diagnosed. I had no choice but to run to God for help. That was the beginning of the healing of unforgiveness I'd held onto all my life. And satan will do all he can to keep you in that place of unforgiveness. With deception, confusion and curse thought patterns, it was at this point in my life I had to literally choose life – and be set free! I prayed daily to be broken down with sorrow (true repentant sorrow) for my sin – and humbly and thoroughly be penitent for the sin so God would not despise me (Psalms 51:17 paraphrased). This was a Heavenly-duty time in my life that lasted for some time till I was finally free of “not forgiving”.

Eternal things done here and now on this earth are costly. When compared to missing Jesus and Heaven for eternity, the cost cannot be compared. Deep pain must be felt. We must be broken and wounded in spirit – broken down with sorrow – for sin and this, our flesh does not want. We are called as followers of Jesus Christ to walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh. Right? Oh, how our flesh does hate to be dealt with! It's so much easier to “look good” when we're religious, when we claim to “love everybody”, etc. But we're living in deception. The only way to Jesus is to go to the Cross with Him and let Him change us His way and not our religious-thinking way. This takes quality time with Him – daily! Remember, we didn't get that way of living, not forgiving the persons in our life, in a day – it took years in most cases of holding unforgiveness in our heart toward another. So it also takes time to let Jesus help us – time with Him – seeking Him. Believe me, it was no “piece of cake” for me who had this compulsive nature from a baby to the sixties!

Oh, how I love God! God is so good, all the time. How I seek Him so I will walk in the fruit of the Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. You see, Jesus walked His entire life in the fruit of the Spirit. So must we, who are called by Him “to do these things and more” as His Word tells us. I want to obey His Word at all costs to my flesh. Death is the last thing to go under the feet. Will we be ready when our Bridegroom comes for His Bride? Oh, what a time that will be, to set our eyes on Him – all else will “pale” as we do this very soon. Not all are the Bride of Christ in the Body of Christ. Many will be the guests called by the Bride of Christ to the Marriage Feast of the Lamb. Do you know for sure who you will be? His Bride? The guest called by the Bride? Time is overdue to work out our salvation in fear and trembling of our great God.

There's no time left to hold any unforgiveness. Let's take a deeper look into “forgiveness”. I did not realize that at the time the New Testament was written, there were as yet no "Christian" words, so the apostle had to use Greek words to explain the thoughts to those reading the New Testament. For instance, “aphiemi” was commonly used for “forgive”. Yet only forty-five times is it translated as “forgive”. Double that forty-five times. It is used for various forms of “send-forth; leave, send-away, let alone, forsake, yield up, lay aside, remit, put away, give up a debt, let go, keep no longer.” There are several other Greek words used as “forgive”, yet more often they, too, are used for other words. Remember how the Father tells us in Matthew 6:12-14 that if you forgive men their trespasses, our Heavenly Father will also forgive us ours. Again “forgive” appears in God's Word (Matthew 18:34-35) when a servant's master was angry with him for the way he treated the one who owed him when his master had just let him go without paying in full to the master. That master delivered that servant to the torturers until he paid the master all that was due him. Jesus said, “So my Heavenly Father also will do to each of you, if from your heart, you do not forgive your brother.” (See Mark 11:25, Luke 6:37, Luke 17:3, Colossians 3:13, Ephesians 4:32).

We can see from looking at these verses how, when we forgive, it means the person really did transgress against us, and he or she really does owe us; but we are told to release him or her from this debt and not expect repayment. If your flesh is reacting saying, “No way can I forgive so-and-so,” tell your flesh to be still and obey God's Word and do it now, because time is so short until Jesus returns for us. It is clear for us to understand that we can decide to forgive, or we would not be told to do so; even though we need God's help to accomplish this forgiving the one we have “ought” with.

Remember, there is a link between “forgiving” and “judging”. As I mentioned before, the two are opposites. When a person sins against us, we want to judge him. Yet, in understanding forgiveness, recall how Webster's Dictionary defined the verb “judge”. Matthew 7:1-2 says not to judge or you will be judged, because with what judgment you judge, you get it back on you; and whatever measure you use to judge, that measure is given back to you. We are to bless those who persecute us, and not curse them – we are not to repay evil for evil – but are to look for the good in all men and live peaceably with all men. Let God alone avenge your enemy for you. If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink – because we don't overcome evil with evil, but with good. You see, there is a strong implication here from Romans 12:14 and 12:17 that if we do the judging ourselves, it can in a way hold back God's judgment of our offender.

Did you ever think of it this way? We actually are usurping God's position when we do the judging of our offender and do not forgive him. This is our sin, and what we sow (sin), we reap – God’s judgment on us. Let us realize that forgiving another isn't saying that person did not sin against us – when they did. Neither is it relieving another person of his or her responsibility by making excuses for whatever that person did to us. Because we forgive someone, it isn't saying we at that moment of forgiveness, trust them – and thus possibly become vulnerable to them again. This is not wise, nor do we pretend we weren't hurt or angry.

We need to be honest about our feelings and progress, rather than suppress our feelings. You see, I could not forget how I was hurt while satan continually reminded me of the curse thoughts that became a pattern to me – until God’s Word set me free to see I had been set free from all sin at salvation – even from the generational curse sin. Now, peace rules me in those old areas where curse thought patterns had been. Forgiveness for me had to be my decision – not a feeling I had. And when I chose to forgive, I gave up my right to judge those who hurt me. Thus, they were released to God, Who tells us to forgive even though the other one is not repentant.

God forgives only if there is real repentance. To come to grips with the fact that we trust God or we do not trust God will really separate the mature from the immature character in us. Our hearts have in them a sense of justice. If we say the other person should be held accountable (when we judge), we're not trusting God to do it – and it's like we're taking the law into our own hands. There is no choice other than to believe in God's goodness and faithfulness to help us. You know, often we won't ever know what our offender will experience at the hand of God; we need to let God be God and work in that person's life as He chooses. Remember, God loves that person as much as He loves you and me. God is always just. We are to love as Jesus did – even to die for another.

I was quick to confess my sins, as I know you are or will be soon. After confessing our sins, we must repent. Then I chose and you will, also, to forgive and release the other person from our judgment, and do as I say, not as I did (for a while). Let God handle it all. Last of all, bless that person. Remember, if you can't bless him or her, you haven't forgiven him or her, and your heart is not gracious. Don't miss Jesus and eternity with Him by the sin of unforgiveness. It is sin that keeps us from salvation. (I paraphrased Matthew 6:15). If we do not forgive men their sins, our sins will not be forgiven by Father God. This truly is not hardness on God's part – rather, it is a call to love one another, just as He loves us. We were made in His image, and we are to be more like Jesus all the time.

Refuse to allow curse thought patterns from the years before you were saved – or any sin thoughts – to enter into your ear gate. Immediately cast those thoughts out in Jesus’ Name. Go now and run to the one you need to forgive – trust God to help. As you ask Him, remember, He will help you because He loves you and wants you set free more than you even want to be set free. Those He sets free, are free indeed. I survived, and you can, too. Be quick to repent, for our loving Father God wants us to be in unity of the Spirit with our brethren. Never forget that Jesus is coming for a Bride who has no spots or wrinkles. I guess if one cannot forgive another, he or she will miss Jesus Christ. That last statement should bring one to repent before our God immediately.